A Care Plan For You

by Joan Blumenfeld, MS, LPC

Caregiver burnout is not a pretty sight.  We get weepy, crabby, overwhelmed and exhausted.  In time, burnout can actually lead to clinical depression and physical illness.  If only we put some of our caregiver energy into our own care, we could prevent this troublesome and even dangerous state of affairs from developing.

In the last years of their lives, our parents required live-in help around the clock as well as a great deal of attention from my brother Dick and me.  In the five-year period during which we managed their care, Dick and I each developed a unique plan to renew our own individual energies.

Dick would drive from New Jersey to the city to visit our parents most Sundays.  He took them for wonderful short visits to places of interest that he and our parents would all enjoy — South Street Seaport, the Central Park Zoo or a museum.  When our parents moved into a nursing home in Connecticut, Dick would sometimes stop on the shores of the Hudson River before each visit, to rent a sail boat for an hour or so, just to clear his head.

My personal care plan was a little different.  I visited from Connecticut once a week to check in with the home health aides.  I brought my father a favorite treat and took Mother out to lunch at a quiet restaurant we both liked.  I made sure to leave my house after 10 in the morning and start home by 3 in the afternoon to avoid rush hour traffic, and I closed my office for the day so I could take a nap when I got home.  Adjustments like these would make the day much smoother for me.

While Dick’s personal care plan differed sharply from mine, some common themes emerged.

Barring emergencies, we set limits on how often we would visit and for how long we could stay.  (Setting limits on what you can do and when you can do it is crucial in preserving your energy for caregiving and for your other life responsibilities.)

We arranged activities that were fun and pleased both ourselves and our parents.  Fun is the key word here. Fun replenishes energy.

We each planned time to be alone to recharge our batteries.  Even just 10-15 minutes a day, without interruption from people or electronics, is renewing.

A final pearl of wisdom:  taking care of yourself is a lot like using the oxygen mask on an airplane.  You have to put on your own mask first or you can’t help anyone else.

Joan Blumenfeld, MS,LPC is a Geriatric Care Manager based in Fairfield County, Connecticut.  For information visit her web site www.joanblumenfeld.com.  Copyright 2010 Joan Blumenfeld.

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8 Responses to “A Care Plan For You”

  1. karen says:

    After reading this important message, I realized that you had, in essence, given me the permission to set some boundaries for myself. I craved some “time outs” that were just for me – to check my email, read my book, call a friend – but I feel constantly pulled. This helped me to realize that it is not only possible, it is quite necessary! Thank you Joan!