Mom taking photo of Vial of Life sticker
by Kim Keller
Here’s a great tip: We keep a list of our mom’s vital health information pinned by magnet to her refrigerator door. We include all the information that would be necessary in case of emergency, such as an EMT visit in the middle of the night.
What sort of information might be critical for a paramedic to know? I’m glad you asked.
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Last of a Four-Part Series on a Basic Approach to Caregiving
by Kim Keller
An important part of caregiving is keeping all the information organized. Creating a workable system makes caregiving a little less stressful, and it will also help you to maintain a more effective and consistent level of care for your parent or other loved one.
Our memory is never at its sharpest when we’re under a great deal of stress. So don’t go anywhere without a notebook (an electronic notebook, if you’d prefer) to keep track of all those little details that crop up during the day and to always have your indispensable to-do list at your fingertips. Also, use a calendar to track doctors’ appointments, in-home care schedules, treatment routines, etc.
For the information that you’ll need to reference most often, it’s a good idea to have it all pulled together in one place. I prefer a three-ring binder but you can use whatever method you like — the key is just to have the information culled and collated, kept together and always within reach. Here is some of the information you should keep current at all times for your parent or other loved one, with examples in the accompanying parentheses:
1. Medication List — An updated list of all prescription medications, over-the-counter meds, vitamins and other supplements. Include dosage size, dosing instructions (take two tablets with food in the morning), reason for the medication (high-blood pressure), and any known allergies to other meds and substances. Keep this list up-to-date and have extra copies to hand out to every medical professional you engage in the care of your parent or loved one.
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Third in a Series Detailing Our 100 Most Beneficial and Indispensable Lessons
by Kim Keller
Karen and I learned lots of important lessons while helping our parents during their respective illnesses, and we’ve been on a mission to lend a hand to other families ever since. So many people shared their experiences with us during those difficult days, back before our dad died in July 2006 and up through the time of our mom’s stroke in 2009, that we’ve stored up a lot of information and a lot of gratitude. Whether it was practical advice or sharing a great resource or just offering simple words of encouragement, those stories helped us find our way through the despair and the chaos, and we hope to return the kindness.
In that spirit, here are ten more of the most important lessons we’ve learned:
1. Create a Durable Power of Attorney — This allows you or another trusted person to handle your loved one’s personal business affairs, from banking to investments to real estate, etc. A “durable” power-of-attorney is preferable to a standard power of attorney because it’s set up specifically to deal with the possibility of your loved one’s becoming disabled or incapacitated.
2. Maintain a Regular Schedule — This is a critical need for anyone who is disoriented or suffering from memory loss. We had to set up a routine for both our parents. Routines are calming and less strenuous, because a familiar schedule doesn’t require, and hence deplete, as much brainpower. Our mom actually lost her ability to tell time after her stroke, so her daily routine — wake up at 8, shower, get dressed, breakfast at 9, etc. — helped her regain her footing with time.
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by Patty Capuciati Conwell
One weekend in 1990, while I was pregnant with my first child, the phone rang and my father was on the line. My grandfather had had a massive heart attack.
With great concern, I rushed to the Emergency Room.
As the nurse in the family, I knew it was my job to assess the medical situation and report back to everyone, and to make certain that my grandfather was receiving the best possible care.
The paramedics had found Grandpa unresponsive and unable to completely oxygenate his blood on his own. So they had intubated him – a tube was placed down his airway to facilitate breathing – en route to the ER. At the hospital, the physician explained to me the gravity of his prognosis. There was severe damage to Grandpa’s heart – more than half of the heart muscle had been deprived of oxygen during the attack. The best-case scenario was that he would only be able to live bed-to-chair, as his heart would simply not support or withstand additional activity. My grandfather would never get his life back.
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by Kim Keller
For all of you who are new to In Care of Dad, and have a parent or loved one who is aging or seriously ill, we’ve put together this quick start list of essential articles for you to read on our site. There are basic steps you need to take to better manage this potentially difficult time. It’s important to have key information properly organized; crucial documents, resources and emergency tools put in place; and it’s a must to have vital conversations with your loved one about his or her future wishes. It’s easy to get overwhelmed, so our list below is a good place to get started. Hopefully we can point you in the right direction and ease your mind a bit.
Our suggested starting point:
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by Erin Doeberl
Kelly was a 49-year old woman whose first experience with therapy came after the sudden loss of her mother. Despite multiple life traumas, including a serious car accident that left part of her face paralyzed and losing her brother during military service, Kelly hadn’t found the need to seek help until her mother died.
She said she had depended on her mom her entire life and that she couldn’t imagine waking up without a good morning phone call from her, the quick daily reminder they shared to reaffirm their love and friendship. With the holiday season approaching, the absence of her mother was almost impossible for Kelly to face. She didn’t know how she was going to pick herself up each day and move forward without the one person who had always been there in her life.
Kelly took a leave of absence from work because she couldn’t get out of bed each day. Her simple morning routine of showering, getting dressed and making breakfast felt like a burden she couldn’t overcome. Listening to other people talk about their own life struggles made Kelly angry and resentful — the troubles seemed trivial compared to her own. She couldn’t bear to think about helping her father find any sense of relief, and she still worried about her other siblings but couldn’t bring herself to help them. As if this all weren’t enough, Kelly was ignoring the needs of her own children and husband. Her feelings of guilt were excruciating.
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by Myra Marcus, Ph.D
Have you ever walked into another room to get something and by the time you get there you’ve forgotten what you wanted to get? Or spent a half hour trying to find your keys only to discover them still in the front door lock where they’ve sat since the last time you came into the house? You may be having what is fondly known as a “senior moment” — those brief lapses in memory that make you think you’re on the verge of full-blown Alzheimer’s disease.
Not to worry, though. In most cases, momentary forgetfulness is just a function of normal age-related issues like sleep deprivation, stress, medication side effects, even changes in brain physiology. Many times what we think is a memory problem is merely the result of not having paid close attention to our actions or surroundings. Information needs to be imprinted on the brain in order to be retrievable — if you’re not paying attention, the information never gets properly input.
As we age the brain changes — it shrinks and slows down. This means that the speed at which information can be retrieved on demand slows down as well. How many of you find that, in conversation, you sometimes need to substitute a word for the one you really want but can’t seem to remember? The word usually comes to you after the conversation has moved on or ended altogether. It’s of no use at that point but there’s still a sense of relief that it came to you at all.
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Never argue, instead agree
Never reason, instead divert
Never shame, instead distract
Never lecture, instead reassure
Never say "remember," instead reminisce
Never say "I told you so," instead repeat, regroup
Never say "you can't," instead say "let's do this"
Never command or demand, instead ask or model
Never condescend, instead encourage and praise
Never force, instead reinforce
A friend passed this along to us from her Alzheimer's support group.
Always be a good listener. Whether it's your parent or the doctor, keep your ears open.
