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Posts Tagged ‘living will’

10 Essential Things To Do Now

Posted on April 1st, 2015 by kim

by Kim Keller

My sister Karen and I learned a hard but valuable lesson not so long ago. Even with all the work we’d done on this website, we found out we were not as prepared as we thought, or hoped, we were. The simple truth is, there are certain things that should be implemented to help ensure your parent’s security and well-being in case of sudden illness or decline due to aging. Because of our dad’s prolonged illness, we had many of the items listed below already in place, but there were some things on this list that we just didn’t think about until our mom had a stroke. It took us completely by surprise because she was healthy and leading an independent and active life. For example, we never dreamt it was time for a medical alert button, but her stroke served as a wake-up call for all of us.

Here’s our list of the 10 most valuable things to have in place for your parent right now. In our Checklists & More section, you’ll find blank templates for each of the various lists we recommend below.

A list of all medications your parent is currently taking (including over-the-counter meds, vitamins and herbs). The list should specify all pertinent instructions (for example, 1 pill each morning with food), as well as the reason why each medication is taken (for high blood pressure, for cholesterol, etc.). It’s imperative to also note any allergies to medication.
A medical history, which includes all surgeries and conditions, hospital stays, allergies, important immediate family medical history (for example, if your mom’s mom had breast cancer or your mom’s dad had diabetes), your parent’s birth date, and also be sure to mention information such as whether your parent has dentures, a pacemaker, a hearing aid, glasses, prosthetics, is a smoker, etc. – basically, try to give a complete picture of your parent’s physical and medical state. Also be sure to include health insurance contact and account numbers.
A contact list of all relevant doctors.
Post on your parent’s refrigerator a copy of the medication list, medical history and contact list of doctors, along with all other emergency contact numbers. It’s critical that these lists be easy to find in case of any emergency medical scenarios, such as EMTs coming to the house.
Set up direct payment for bills and direct deposit for income. We did all of this online so that we’d have direct access to each account (billing statements, etc.), and we created a list that includes log-on user names, passwords, contact information, and account numbers, as well as banking information (account, routing and debit card numbers). Having your parent’s social security number is also important. Now, if your parent is still in good health, and these precautions seem premature, then at least have all of this information compiled and ready to go in case the need should arise. Needless to say, this is not the sort of information you want to leave lying around where anyone might glimpse it, but having it compiled in some secure location is still important in case of emergency.
A durable power-of-attorney allowing a trusted person or persons to handle your parent’s personal business affairs, from banking to investments to real estate, etc. A “durable” power-of-attorney is preferable to a standard power of attorney because it’s set up specifically to deal with the possibility of your parent’s becoming disabled or incapacitated.
A living will is essential as an advance medical directive regarding any life-prolonging procedures (such as being kept alive on life-support equipment). A living will can also direct any organ donation, if this is your parent’s choice. A living will is not a Do Not Resuscitate order (commonly called a DNR). A DNR form can be picked up in any hospital and must be signed by your parent’s doctor. It’s undoubtedly difficult to talk with your parent about personal end-of-life wishes, but it’s very important to do so. These issues can prove to be divisive to a family if your parent’s requests have not already been put down in writing. We recommend using Five Wishes, created by the non-profit organization Aging With Dignity.
A healthcare proxy is also necessary in case your parent is incapable of making his or her own healthcare choices regarding such options as surgery, hospice, experimental treatments, etc. A living will already designates a healthcare proxy, but if your parent decides against a living will, it’s essential to have a healthcare proxy drawn up separately.
A will or trust to make sure that your parent’s final decisions regarding the disposition of any estate are followed.
A medical alert button in case of emergency. We set up an account for our mom with Response Link at 1-800-894-1428, responselink.com, and it costs $38.95/month. They provided her with an alert button, which she wears around her neck, and a two-way communication device for her home in case of an emergency. There are many terrific services available – we just happened to choose Response Link because it was recommended to us by a friend. Here’s an important tip: Avoid any service that requires you to sign a long-term contract.

Regarding the legal documents mentioned in numbers 6 through 9 above, you can either use an attorney or draw them up yourself with the help of an online site such as Nolo.com, which offers blank forms for these various documents. If you have a complicated legal situation, we recommend you hire an attorney.

Kim Keller is the Co-Founder of In Care of Dad. She lives and works in New York City.

Photo is by Karen Keller Capuciati.

This blog was originally published on April 7, 2011.

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A Living Will Is Not Enough

Posted on January 29th, 2014 by karen

For the next few weeks, we are featuring some of our favorite blogs from years past. This entry was first published by In Care of Dad on February 24, 2011.

by Shira Tannor

My dad, a retired psychiatrist, died on St. Patrick’s Day 2009. Though he was nearly 84, his death came upon us suddenly in a whirlwind few days of pain and confusion. Dad had been diagnosed with squamous cell skin cancer and had had two surgeries in the span of three years, both times bouncing back from what seemed like nothing more than a mere nuisance. A robust man who rarely took as much as an aspirin, he soldiered on with confidence and optimism and so did we. But when his cancer appeared for a third time, and he was facing what he knew would be a prolonged and nasty fight, he understood with quiet dignity that this was not just another nuisance and opted for an aggressive course of chemotherapy as his last best shot. None of us thought when he started down this path that just two weeks later he’d be dead.

Dad was a responsible and pragmatic man who adored his family and kept us close. No surprise then that he had taken good care to provide for us in death as he’d always done in life. There was life insurance to cover funeral costs, burial plots for the entire family, a Family Trust, Durable Powers of Attorney, Health Care Proxies and a Living Will. Everything was up to date and in place. But when Dad suddenly lay intubated in a hospital bed, hooked to a bevy of life-prolonging devices, we discovered the hard way that he’d forgotten something critical — he never, ever talked to us about how we, as a family, would and should deal together with the difficult and heart-wrenching decisions to end his life.

For a man who made it his business to understand human nature, and who presided over family meetings on far lesser issues, Dad was strangely silent on this one. Keenly aware of our differences, chief among them that my brother, the firstborn and beloved only son, is an Orthodox Jew, Dad somehow never engaged us in any discussion of what we should do if faced with the terrible prospect of having to end his life. The plain vanilla language of his Living Will directed us to remove him from life support if he couldn’t live on his own, but there was no further instruction and, in those awful few days when his life had essentially slipped away and we most needed his wisdom, there were no more words. I wish there had been. We all did.

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Keeping Advance Directives In Mind And In Hand

Posted on March 29th, 2011 by karen

by Joan Blumenfeld, MS, LPC

Our mother had advance directives, but no one in the hospital was paying attention to them.

She was lying on a gurney waiting to go into the operating room to have her pacemaker battery surgically replaced when the attending nurse asked if my mother had any allergies. Indeed she did! She was deathly allergic to penicillin and bee stings. But the fact that the nurse did not know about the allergies set off my alarm.

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