In Care of Dad is by no means limited to people helping their parents.  We believe the site is useful to anyone in a caregiving situation, regardless of who the afflicted might be - parents, spouses, children or just beloved friends.  In this case, my friend Marilyn learned tons about how to help her husband Bob, who was diagnosed with esophageal cancer more than a year ago.

When Marilyn learned of Bob's diagnosis, she went into full-scale info-gathering mode.  She collected everything she could find about treatments, diets, books, doctors, any idea that might help.  Ultimately, it was Marilyn's special ability to listen to all the available information - whether from a doctor or a friend or online - that lead her to find the best treatment options for her husband.

Marilyn took some time to jot down the most important lessons she learned, and the things that might be of help to other people going through a similar experience.  No matter whom you're assisting, you can benefit from Marilyn's hard work and insight.  Here's what she recommends:

• Have a very good general practitioner who really listens, who will give you plenty of time and can take care of details that a specialist will often ignore.
• Keep a notebook with lists of doctors, recommendations, drugs, resources, etc.  There's lots of information coming in from many sources, so it helps to keep everything in one notebook.
• Keep daily notes of your loved one's weight, blood pressure, diet and meds.  For example, if he was trying to put on some pounds, these notes will make it easier to see trends and determine what might be influencing weight gain or loss.
• Accept all the help you can get.  When anyone - friends, family, even strangers - offers to do something for you, your response should be: "Yes. Thank you."
• Go online to research the particular cancer you're facing, but don't overdose on information. 
  
• Talk to others who have experienced a similar medical situation.  This can support you in many ways, from giving you new information to offering emotional support.
• Consider a naturopathic physician to support you, through diet and alternative or supplementary medicine.
• Work with your medical team to find creative solutions when you feel that the course of action may not work so well for the patient.  Trust that you know the patient better than they do - you are probably right when you think something might be too much.
• It's essential to have someone reliable accompanying the patient to an appointment with the oncologist, to take good notes and ask questions.  Many people I have talked to, who have a parent ill with cancer, report that they hear very confused information from the parent when the patient is on his/her own during the office visit.