Our mom was overwhelmed with worry and the care-giving workload.  When Dad was home, she was taking care of his needs pretty much non-stop.  When Dad was in the hospital or rehab, she visited him everyday.  It was stressful staying on top of his care, and traveling back and forth, day in and day out.  She would get home late, have her cup of tea, read a couple of emails and go to bed.  The next day she would do it all again.  It was relentless.  She was emotionally and physically drained.  Here are some ideas of things we did for her:
 

• Because Mom has amazing and supportive friends, we urged her to meet them each night for dinner.  This hour or two of socializing helped her connect with the outside world and recharge her batteries.  It also saved her from eating nothing but hospital food every night.
• Reached out to our parents’ church and found that it offered many services (or ministries) that could help.  For example, The Stephen Ministry helps people through crisis situations with one-to-one support.  This program supported our mother, and the relationship that developed is truly special.  See “Our Great Find: The Stephen Ministry” in the Other Stories section.
• Called her everyday to let her know she was not alone in this struggle.  We let her vent her frustrations, her fears, and her concerns.
• Mom had a hard time calling the family and friends back with updates because it meant that she had to rehash everything all over again.  So we took over this responsibility – she told us who needed to be called and we would do it.
• Took turns going to Florida, rather than traveling together, so that Mom would have company that much longer.
• Driving 40 minutes back and forth to the hospital was tiresome, so we would chauffeur Mom when we were there.
• Actually making dinner for herself was not an option with the amount of time and energy that would require.  So we would make dinner for her and her friends, which also gave us an opportunity to thank the friends for all their support.
• Visited Dad at the hospital, without Mom, to give her a whole day to herself.
• What she didn’t need was extra work cleaning up after houseguests.  So, we would help with housework and make certain that our sheets, towels and room were all clean before we flew back to New York.
• Even if you’re in the best of emotional states, dealing with bills and insurance paperwork can make you crazy. So, as medical bills and forms piled up, we would handle anything that she had questions about.